The concept of God's Plan is a difficult one for me. I constantly want to be in control and to know what and when things are happening. When I feel out of control is when I turn to food, because that is often what I can control. Often, the food is not good quality and is very unhealthy. That's why I'm 253.8 pounds...because I feel out of control a lot. Eating and "stuffing it down" is a lot easier than admitting I feel out of control, I'm scared, and I need to talk it out or time to figure stuff out. It's about learning how not to rely on food anymore.
I've always been overweight. With all of the crazy stuff I endured as a kid, I think food was my mom's comfort, and therefore became my comfort. I remember we used to go to Burger King everyday after school and I would order a chicken sandwich meal. We ate out A LOT, which I think is why it's so difficult for me to get into the habit of eating at home. However, my weight got really out of control when I came out as a lesbian. My family has conservative values, my wife's family has super conservative values, and it was difficult for me to express myself. So, I ate, and I ate, and I ate.
All of this stuffing stuff down is (quite literally) killing me. So, I know that I need to follow God's plan and put all of my trust in Him to guide me and know that everything is going to work out exactly the way it is supposed to. Since I have been trying to practice that and do constructive things to manage my stress, I do notice that I have been feeling better. I am really tired. In fact, I slept the majority of Saturday. But, I still have a lot of growing (and hopefully shrinking) to do to meet my goals. What is ironic is that I'm a mental health professional, and I know all of this. I need to start practicing what I preach, which means practicing what Jesus preaches and getting to know God...right?